Bar Anticipation in Lake Como, and more specifically “Beat The Clock”. If it wasn’t for the two hour line that wraps around the street, it’s easy to miss. But hard to forget after you’ve been.
For those unaware, Beat The Clock is a special that Bar A runs where beers start at .50 cents and increase .25 cents every hour until midnight.
Right off the bat let’s address getting there. The Belmar train station is about an eight minute walk to the parking lot. Use it. Once you’re off the train hop in a minivan cab to the bar. Even though the price doesn’t make sense and the walk is so short, you’ll skip the entire next wave of people walking to the line from the station.
This is a veteran’s secret. If you’re going for Beat The Clock, get there around 7:00. Beat The Clock doesn’t start until 8:00 but neither does the cover. And that cover is going to set you back about $15-$20. Which is the equivalent of 30-40 beers in the first hour. Also, there is a free quesadilla station situated right at the outdoor entrance. Tip the guy a few bucks, you’re gonna need all you can to line your stomach before what’s about to happen.
The line. A lot of do’s and don’t’s. It sucks but everyone has to do it, deal with it. You can cut the line if you’re sneaky and know someone. Or if you have a small enough party. But I wouldn’t advise it if you’re not from around here. You will get in a fight and be kicked out of the bar that you were never even in. Secondly, do not piss in the parking lot. Not behind the trees, not in the lot over, not anywhere. There’s porta potties and they’re also going to have a long line. But if you really need to go bad, suck it up and wait in the line. Because if you don’t, the cops posted there who are specifically looking for pissers will slap you with a hefty fine. And I mean hefty. Lastly, and most importantly, bring two forms of picture(!) identification. These bouncers do not give a fuck. Doesn’t matter how far you traveled to get here, how long you waited in line, they won’t let you in. I’d say a good amount of the demographic in there have duplicate licenses. Lost, stolen, whatever, if you have ever needed to get another license it will be marked on your ID as a duplicate. When they see that, you need another picture form of ID or you’re fucked. I’ve personally seen them deny 1/2 of identical twins into the bar for not having a second form. They told one twin they’re good and the other twin they weren’t sure if they were of legal drinking age. Identical twins.
Ok so you’re in, now what? The place is massive and while exploring is a fun idea, you don’t have ample time to do so. There’s the inside stage bar, inside back bar, outside shot wheel, outside island bar, outside left perimeter bar, outside sand pit bar, outside awning bar, the outside circular bar, outside bud light backdrop bar, and the outside back DJ bar. Establish a command center quickly and choose a corner of one of these bars with your squad. Once you have enough of your people taking over a section you’ll be able to come and go as long as your group doesn’t lose their position as a whole. Depending on your finances and availability you can always get a cabana in the sand pit but that obviously isn’t the case for most patrons.
Ordering. Order in bulk. I don’t know if there’s a cap on how many drinks you can order at once but money talks. With beers this cheap, the bartenders are doing extra running around for cheaper tips. Put a big bill on the table, show them everyone around you who will be drinking it, and they’ll most likely abide. Everyone takes from the pile, everyone adds to the pile. Take a penny leave a penny. It’ll save you time on refills and waiting to get the bartender’s attention in the massive crowd.
Depending on your measurables, you’ll be holding anywhere from two to four beers at all times. That beer needs to go somewhere. The bathroom lines at Bar A are probably the worst in the state. You just have to take it on the chin. There’s one near the stage, one near the outdoor entrance, and a secret string of porta potties. I’m not telling you where they are because that’s where I go but if you can find them more power to you. There is, however, another risky veteran’s move that I used to pull as a spring chicken. If you’re a large burly man with an equally large beard like I was, find the least confrontational person at the head of the line and tell them you work at the bar. It’s never not worked for me. People behind will get pissed but more often than not the person you just cut will actually defend you. Sometimes they even buy you a drink. All is fair in love and bathroom lines.
As for what to do, if you’re from the area you already know it’s an impromptu high school reunion. There’s too many people there for you not to run into someone that you really don’t feel like talking to. It’s probably a lot more fun if you don’t know anybody. There’s a lot of good looking people looking to drink a good amount of alcohol as they possibly can in four hours. If you want to bump and grind, head to the back for a DJ. The inside always has live music and I can’t remember a time when the band wasn’t awesome. If that’s your route get as close to the stage as possible to avoid the trail of shoulder shovers trying to make their way to the bathroom.
I’d tell you to pace yourself but you’ll probably black out anyway. Just go with it. Get off the wall, get out there, tip well, fuck up, fuck down, and if you strike out - strike out swinging. There’s always next week but you’ll never get out of your slump without a couple AB’s.
