Remembering Delonte West

Delonte West was living the dream of every young man’s life. He was a professional athlete. Traveling the world, beautiful women, being paid millions of dollars. Delonte became a millionaire doing what he loved. He was living out the fantasy of every little boy and girl who would take turnaround jumpers at the curb while a fake shot clock rang through their head. 

Delonte West was on top of the world. And so was his team. The Cavaliers had an NBA best 61 wins and a number one seed in the playoffs. Their shining star, LeBron James, was rising even higher on his way to another MVP. 

Then it happened. Delonte West fucked LeBron’s mom. 

Now I understand that they’re two consenting adults. They ran in the same circles. Delonte being on the Cavs, Gloria James being the mother of their best player. I guess these things happen. That’s love I suppose. 

But not without repercussions. 

If you remember, this was arguably the year of LeBron’s biggest playoff collapse. The Celtics/Cavs Eastern Conference Finals. The man who was averaging 29.7/7.3/8.6 was nowhere to be found. LeBron’s slackish body language was evident, he was missing open shots and layups, and his demeanor changed from a man on a mission to someone who looked like he had quit on his team. Bron averaged 18.5 points in that series loss and shot 30.2% from the field. He stormed off the court and took his jersey off before he even reached the locker room. 

You can understand how a man’s heart might not be in his craft when he has to share the court with a man who had sexual relations with someone he cares deeply about. It can affect your star’s performance when he can’t bare to look at the face of a role player. No orginaztion could possibly want that. Some men might rise above it, but you can understand how others might have the same reaction as LeBron.

But LeBron is LeBron and he turned out alright. He went on to win two more MVPs and four NBA titles. Delonte however, did not. 

That season was the last time West donned a Cavaliers uniform. LeBron was a powerful man in that organization and he had to know he did him wrong. Delonte still played in the NBA after the incident, sure. But the production wasn’t there. He only played 1.5 more seasons. It was clear that Delonte West just wasn’t that good when LeBron wasn’t on the court. 

Unfortunately, Delonte West crashed and burned from there. He sadly was rumored to have untreated mental issues. He developed a bad drug habit and allegedly even became addicted to embalming fluid. People began to spot West living homeless in the streets. Arrests became inevitable. 

Thank God for the big heart of Mark Cuban. The Mavs owner got Delonte the help he needed. Got him off the streets, put him in a program, and helped him turn his life around. Delonte West is now entering the draft pool for the Big 3. Good for him. Delonte had to work hard to get where he is. But it’s not the NBA. Where LeBron just averaged another 30 ppg season. 

Morale of the story: be careful where you put your pecker. 

BBC Taps “Sex Education” Star As New Doctor

Dr. Who is a lot like tequila. People who don’t like can’t fathom how someone could enjoy it and people who love it can’t shut the fuck up about it. Whatever the case may be, the show has been on since 1963. So they’re doing something right. 

For those who don’t know, the show is about a time traveling alien that recruits humans to carry out justice throughout human and non-human history and future. And present I suppose. The main character, The Doctor, has regenerative properties that forces the showrunners to change lead actors every three seasons or so. 

Dr. Who ran from 1963-1988 and then was resurrected in 2005 to present day. I don’t often admit it but it’s my favorite TV show. I watch a lot of shows, I mean like a fuck ton. I don’t enjoy rewatching shows because I think there’s so much out there. I’ve rewatched Dr. Who three times. It’s not an easy crush either. We’re talking over 140 hours in 13 seasons. I know, I know… but I can’t help it. 

That being said, I understand why people wouldn’t like the show. Some of the big bad villains are from the 1960’s and could come off silly if you don’t have the imagination for it. I don’t even recommend it to friends because I know they’ll flame me for it.

I think to combat that kind of opinion of the show, the showrunners have gone off the path that has worked since 2005. It lost it’s whimsical, goofy charm. The show RARELY goes off-world which were often the most creative episodes, and the new human companions are too serious. And the ratings have paid the price. At it’s height in 2009, Dr. Who reported an average of 10.70 million viewers. The current season is sitting at an average of 3.93 million viewers. 

Which is a shame because I really like the current actress Jodie Whittaker and feel like she’s getting a bad rap for her portrayal. I don’t blame Jodie for the failure of the 13th Doctor. I feel like it’s more the direction of the show that’s bringing ratings down. But just because I like Whittaker doesn’t mean the show hasn’t been shit. 

But boy oh fucking boy are we back. The first massive piece of good news that us Whovians (An embarrassing admission of the fan base’s name) received was that former showrunner Russel T. Davies will be back at the helm. RTD has averaged the highest amount of viewers during his run from 2005-2011. Davies is responsible for resurrecting the show, creating the consensus favorite: David Tenant’s Doctor, and the companion who stole all of our hearts, Rose Tyler. 

At the beginning of a Doctor’s third season, fans start to speculate who will take on the role. I was checking weekly to see if there were new rumors like it was off-season free agent moves. There were where whispers for years that the show wanted a black Doctor and even rumored Idris Elba. Then with the reintroduction of RTD people were calling for an LGBTQ Doctor with his resume of shows like “Queer As Folk” and “It’s A Sin”, which many speculated could tap breakout star Olly Alexander. Well, on the BAFTA Awards’ red carpet this past weekend, Russell T Davies announced they will be doing both*. 

Ncuti fucking Gatwa. A perfect fit. The Rwandan-Scottish actor who’s most famously known for his role as Eric Effiong in “Sex Education”. Gatwa steals every single scene he’s in. Hilarious banter, effortless vulnerability, refreshingly original, and all the sass in the world. To say fans are over the moon would be an understatement. With each new Doctor comes a new catch line, new TARDIS (spaceship) redesign, and new wardrobe that the character will use for their entire run. I won’t say “slay” because it won’t come out right, but Ncuti is going to fucking kill it. 

I couldn’t be happier. Well I could, I’ll always hold on to the pipe dream of a Michael Sheen Doctor but that’s besides the point. There was no indication that Gatwa was even in the running. Its such a pleasantly welcome surprise. Like when your team has been fucking up the draft for years that you don’t expect much out of them and then they take the guy who’s regarded as a projected first ballot HOFer. Ncuti and Davies are going to give this series the facelift that it desperately needs to get back on top. 

*Ncuti Gatwa has never confirmed his sexuality preference and I just assumed it because of his portrayal of Eric in Sex Education. That’s my bad, but jury’s still out.

Idiots Miss Out On Selling 2k Year Old Statue

I love all things antiquing. I’m the king of Goodwill’s online store, I go to estate sales when old richies croak, yard sales, auctions, you name it. Garbage picker essentially. I just love the idea of getting one over on the idiot who didn’t realize what they had. It’s not morally airtight, but there’s no room for that kind of thought in the “buying dead people’s shit” game. 

Which brings me to these morons. Laura Young, a fellow garbage picker, was perusing the Goodwill store in Austin, Texas when she came across a piece of art that peaked her interest. It was a fifty-two pound marble bust for $35. Bit pricey for a Goodwill, but why the hell not? 

After consulting with experts and auction houses, Sotheby’s confirmed the bust was a 2,000 year old Roman artifact of a military leader. The statue went missing from a German museum’s storage during World War II. Are you fucking kidding me? This is the holy grail. This is what we play for. So what does Laura do? Fumbles at the one yard line. 

There’s no talk in the article of compensation for Laura’s find. But it is currently on display in a San Antonio museum which isn’t a very good sign. The fact that we even know where this thing is means Laura probably got a $35 refund and a sturdy pat on the back. 

If I found this thing? You’d never even know. I don’t know what the black market is or where to find it but you better believe I’d find out if I had a 2,000 year old stolen Roman statue on my hands. What does that go for? 5 million dollars? I don’t know the market for stolen ancient Roman artifacts, old books are more my thing. I could be 4.5 million off, but I doubt it. 2,000 years old? Jesus Christ himself could have walked past this thing. 
The article explains that Germany “technically” still owns the bust since it was stolen. Yeah fucking right. This thing is old-old, it answers to old laws. Finders keepers takes precedent here. You think this ROMAN statue was originally found in Bavaria? They stole that shit too. Germany would have to cough up a king’s ransom to get this off of me or pry it from my cold dead hands. 
Laura wants to track down the original donater, which proved unsuccessful after a rigorous Craigslist campaign. Sweetie, it was found at a Goodwill, stolen during World War II. He’s dead. And before anyone even thinks of coming for my man for stealing this from a museum, take a second to think. Germany was notorious for stealing and destroying art during World War II. Would you rather that, or it end up in the hands of the good guys? To a man who left his family to travel half way around the world to settle a continent’s scores that he didn’t belong too. You rather that man have it, or in the hands of a meth addicted genocidal maniac. Seems like a small price to pay for liberation. How about, you’re welcome, Germany. 
So many people dropped the ball here. Not the original theif, I understand why he’d want to keep it hush-hush and or keep it. But his children giving it to Goodwill? The Goodwill that slapped a $35 price tag on it? Laura Young who was smart enough to get it appraised and dumb enough to give it away? All dumb-dumbs.
Just goes to show, if something seems too good to be true, keep your trap shut. Loose lips sink ships. If Laura Young wasn’t so excited to tell everyone what she’d found she’d probably be sipping margaritas on a beach right now. 

The Worst Mothers In Television

*Editor’s note: I was unaware of the “Worst Mothers In Cinematic History” blog by Dante before writing this. Normally I actively try to avoid replicating similar blogs. 

Happy Mother’s Day y’all. Or as my local lunatic florist, Dutchie, likes to put on his sign, “Happy Hot Moms Day”. Crazy ass Dutchie aside, today is a good reminder to appreciate the women who work tirelessly only for us to turn out basically mediocre. If we could only be the people our moms think we are, the world would be a better place. 

While your mom might have made you soup when you were sick, showed up to all your basketball games, and cleaned up after you, some of our most beloved television heroes may have not had the same opportunities. So here’s remembering the shittiest moms in TV. 

10. Rachel Greene, Friends. 

During her pregnancy, Rachel kept forgetting about the child growing in her stomach. As her friends discover her positive pregnancy test in the garbage, Rachel continuously drinks champagne at Monica’s wedding. Thankfully, she gave birth to a healthy girl despite her hellbent dice roll on FAS. But as Rachel’s daughter Emma is meeting her father Ross for the very first time, she decides to accept a proposal from her baby daddy’s best friend in the delivery room. Ready to accept a very awkward family dynamic for her child right off the bat. It’s possible that we can chalk those instances up to hormones, sure. Except, when Rachel finally decides to have her first date night since the birth of her baby, what does she do? Oh that’s right, locked herself out of the apartment with her infant daughter inside. 

9. Dr. Jean Millburn, Sex Education. 

Having a therapist as a mom would be tough. Non stop paranoia that you’re being analyzed. Having a sex therapist mom would be a nightmare. Maybe it’s healthier to be more open about sex in a family setting, but I’ll take a hard pass. Jean condemns Otis to a carousel of nonchalant lovers who repeatedly mistake his bedroom for the bathroom while half-naked. Breakfast doesn’t make things any easier. She’s overprotective and even follows her son to a high school party where she gets caught by his classmates. She smokes weed with the school bully. Secretly tries to write a book on Otis’ puberty experience. And the kicker, her son is clearly lacking in the women department. So what does Jean do when he does finally get a girlfriend? She dates the father of said girlfriend.

8. Delia Ketchum, Pokémon.

It’s not easy being a single mother. They have so many responsibilities to handle on their own. Constant around the clock care. Unless you’re Delia Ketchum who shoo’d her son out the door at only ten years old. 

Ash: “Hey mom can I go play outside?” 

Delia: “What will you be doing?” 

Ash: “Trying to capture and fight murderous monsters with mystical powers.” 

Delia: “…And where will you be doing this?” 

Ash: “Literally the entire globe. I don’t plan on coming home.” 

Delia: “Make sure you pack clean underwear!”

Wtf is wrong with this woman? She should have immediately been reported to Child Services for neglect and endangerment. Delia was a better mother to Mr. Mime than she ever was to Ash. 

7. Lucille Bluth, Arrested Development. 

The type of alcoholism that would make Winston Churchill blush. Lucille had a unique relationship with each of her children, each of which were shit. She hated Gob and took every chance she had to remind him that he was an idiot. She constantly insulted Lindsay’s body image, undermined her marriage, and kept her adoption a secret. She was emotionally manipulative and even set up Michael in a fake car accident. Then there’s Buster. Her product of a love affair with her husband’s twin brother. More a slave/assistant than a son, Buster waited on his mother hand and foot and was rewarded with the likes of the Motherboy contest and being signed up for the army where he subsequently lost his arm. 

6. Wanda Maximoff, Wandavision. 

Wanda gave births to twins that don’t even exist. Talk about an identity crisis. But atleast she had the wherewithal to raise her children in a good neighborhood. By, ya know, enslaving an entire community and turning them into mindless zombies. Hundreds of families were robbed of raising their children just so Wanda could play house. Then there’s the whole murderous psychopath tendencies, but we won’t spoil the new Dr. Strange movie. Wanda’s sons will never be able to live up to her expectations. Due to like, not being alive and all.

5. Carrie Mathison, Homeland. 
You would think that having a bipolar disorder and being a badass CIA special agent would get you some kind of a pass. But there has to be a line. Running away from your responsibilities and blackmailing your way to Pakistan to get away from your daughter is one thing. But contemplating drowning her is two million steps over the line. Carrie’s love you/hate you with Brody didn’t stop after his death, but transferred to wherever he still had DNA. Carrie not only told her daughter Frannie that she can’t remember why she had her, she also almost hit her with a car, and gave her a brain dead killing machine roommate who’s lease ended when he got in a paranoid shootout with the authorities with Frannie in the house. Despite all that, Carrie decided the best life for her daughter was by her side. A custody battle ensued for Frannie between Carrie and her stable sister Maggie. It wasn’t the courtroom testimony of her daughter crying herself to sleep or nearly going mute that convinced Carrie to give it up, but rather a phone call from Saul to get back to work. Last episode *SPOILER*, the show ends with Carrie assumingly never able to see her daughter again now that she’s taken on the life as a Russian mole in Moscow. 
4. Gemma Teller Morrow, Sons Of Anarchy.
Sons of Anarchy fans love pretending their smart by making the Shakespearean comparison of Hamlet to Sons. But they tend to forget Oedipus. Gemma would see red any time Jax showed even the tiniest bit of a love interest. To the point where she forced a relapse with her son’s baby mother. Gemma also murdered her son’s father and any chance at a normal life. Most mothers would shy away from their child being the head of a motorcycle gang, but Gemma bred her boy for it. Once her son accumulated that power, she wielded him to her bidding. Used him as a threat. And still consistently got her ass beat. But she handed out some beatings herself. Like the time she was incorrectly convinced that the love of her son’s life was a federal informant. So Gemma stabbed her daughter-in-law repeatedly in the back of the head and left her dead in a sink. One of the most brutal on-screen deaths that still makes my skull itch just thinking about it. When Jax figured out everything his mother had done, he went to kill her. Unable to bring himself to do it, Gemma manipulated her son one last time and convinced Jax to commit matricide. 
3. Livia Soprano, The Sopranos.
Everything about Livia was the worst. Her face, her attitude, her voice, her existence. There’s being a bad mother and then there is centering your life around around destroying your son’s life. These weren’t crimes of the subconscious, Livia was actively hating her son. When Tony decided to put her in a nursing home, Livia decided to tell Uncle Junior that he was seeing a shrink knowing that it would force Junior to take him out. She put a hit on her own son. When that didn’t work, she told Artie Bucco that it was Tony that burnt down Vesuvio’s in hopes that it enraged Artie to the point of murdering Tony. Livia Soprano was a loveless succubus who’s only excuse for staying alive was to hate. But is Tony Tony if Livia wasn’t Livia?
2. Linda Stotch, South Park.
When it comes to bad South Park mothers the first thought is generally Liane Cartman. Unable to control her spoiled psychopath son and unsure who his father is due to her promiscuous lifestyle. But she’s obliviously sweet and undeniably caring with Eric. Liane doesn’t sniff Linda Stotch. Linda is addicted to grounding her son Butters. While disciplining your child doesn’t make you a bad mother, pimping Butters out to Paris Hilton for 250 million dollars where he eventually escapes near death and then punishing him for getting away certainly qualifies. Or there was the time the boys convinced Butters to fake his suicide so he could go to school dressed as a girl and infiltrate the girls’ sleepover. When Butters stood at the top of the building, his parents told him they would only ground him for a couple of weeks if he came down. When a pig carcass dressed as Butters was thrown off the roof, the Stotchs were admittedly devasted by their son’s supposed death. So much so that they decided to perform a ritual to resurrect him. When Butters returned home alive and well, since he didn’t actually kill himself, Linda Stotch chains Butters up in the basement believing him to be a zombie. If all that isn’t enough, Linda met her breaking point when Butters accidentally reveals his father had been visiting a gay bathhouse. Left deranged by the discovery, Linda decides to kill herself and murder Butters so he doesn’t have to “be raised by a pervert”. She drives a naïve Butters to a river and instructs him not to unbuckle his seatbelt or get out as she leaves and puts the car in neutral. Butters believes the whole thing to be an accident as the car is still filling up with water. Back home, Linda’s suicide note is interrupted by her husband who convinces her that he still loves her and persuaded Linda not to commit suicide. Still believing she murdered Butters, Linda and her husband tell the media their son was kidnapped by “some Puerto Rican guy.” 
1. Cersei Lannister, Game Of Thrones. 
How anyone could think otherwise is beyond me. All of her children are dead. All three, three separate incidents. You can’t fail more than that. Cersei’s paranoia and lust for power led to all of her children’s downfall. Joffrey was poisoned at his own wedding and Cersei had sex on his corpse before it even turned cold. Myrcella was poisoned leaving Dorne. Then after shame walking through the streets naked, Cersei decided to burn Tommen’s wife-to-be at the altar. Tommen, clearly stricken with grief, walks out of his castle window cool as a cucumber. None of Cersei’s ambitions were for her children no matter how many times she said it out loud. Cersei was out for Cersei and that was made clear when she had her youngest child’s body burned post-mortem and spread over the ashes of the Sept with the rest of her enemies. Oh, and all of her children were born out of an incestuous relationship with her brother Jamie. 
And you thought you had it bad when your mom made you start doing your own laundry. Be thankful you don’t have a mother like the ladies listed above. Or maybe you do, in which case, tough break pal. But as for the rest of you, get the damn flowers and actually write something in the card. 
 

Was Everyone Aware That Voldemort Boinked An Flight Attendant?

I was unaware that Ralph Fiennes, most famously known for playing Voldemort in the Harry Potter franchise, was involved in a 2007 scandal for having sex with a flight attendant during a flight from Australia to Mumbai. If you’re too cool for Harry Potter, he was also in Schindler’s List, Kingsman, and The Grand Budapest Hotel. 

Fiennes also starred in the total classic, Maid In Manhattan alongside of J-Lo. This scandal pretty much follows the same plot but instead of a maid it’s a flight attendant, and instead of happily ever after, she gets fired and never sees him again. 

According to this Daily Mail article, the incident began when Lisa Robertson recognized Fiennes while offering him a mid-flight drink. Robertson fan-girled out and then quickly apologized for being unprofessional. Fiennes reassured her with a soft voice and complimenting her on her attractiveness. The two continued to eye-fuck each other across first class until it finally came to a head during Robertson’s break. 

Fiennes pushed past the curtain to find Robertson kickin’ it back. They talked about his previous movies, a accent he was working on for an upcoming role, and next thing you know, Ralph goes in for the kiss. Half-naked and on the verge of being caught, Robertson led Finnes by the hand to the plane’s bathroom to cement their mile high status. 

They were seen leaving the same bathroom by another flight attendant who told Robertson that he was going to report her. Not nearly deterred, the two lovebirds made plans to meet up after they landed. She thought he was blowing smoke, but to Robertson’s surprise, Fiennes called her thirty minutes after she checked into her hotel. 

Apparently full of surprises, Robertson said she was shocked at how gentleman-like Fiennes was. Despite answering his hotel room in only a towel, Fiennes insisted on a roof-top dinner date first. Over a couple martinis and with a Mumbai backdrop, the two held hands as Robertson requested Fiennes to reenact some of his most famous lines. 

Back at the hotel room, you know what happened. Three times, and once more in the morning. 

After the Indian soirée, it was time for Robertson to face the music. She was ultimately fired for her actions during the flight. She tried to contact Fiennes under a lawyer’s suggestion to help her corroborate an excuse of her “helping him with a contacts lens” in the bathroom. Robertson said she felt betrayed when Fiennes kept reiterating to her that “Nothing happened” and “We weren’t in the toilet”. But really, what I don’t think she understood that he was being polite by not saying “That’s the stupidest fucking idea I ever heard.” He was giving her the blueprint. Deny, deny, deny. Deny til’ you die. 

Once the British tabloids got the scoop from witnesses, the airline initially denied any inappropriate conduct. But after she was fired, and with the press breathing down her neck, Robertson decided to tell her side of the story publicly. 

There is an unreal Australian 60 Minutes interview on the scandal with Lisa Robertson that you can watch here. It’s absolutely nuts how much interviews have changed in that short period of time. 

The interviewer calls Lisa stupid to her face for what she did. He asks her straight up if she had sex in the toilet. When she tells him that she did, he prompts her into explaining how she pulled that off in such a tight space. What a piggy question. But without missing a beat, Robertson jokes about her flexibility and says arms and legs were everywhere. But his boldness didn’t end there. This interviewer goes on to point blank ask Lisa how Fiennes was as a”lover”. You’re a perve dude. 

Lisa Robertson in both the article and the television interview expressed that she doesn’t regret what she did and that she’d do it again. Hell yeah. She commented that she was making 12k as an airline attendant. Fuck that job? You pulled off the dream of banging a celebrity crush. Fiennes turned out just fine. He continued grinding out Harry Potter movies for the next four years. 

People were trying hard to to condemn Lisa Robertson for her unprofessionalism. She’s hardly the first person to get some on-duty booty. And Fiennes? He got dragged for having unprotected sex with Robertson while he was in India to raise awareness for AIDS. But what’s a little STD to a guy with seven horcruxes? 

Parole Tide Strikes Again

Former five star recruit and transfer from LSU, Elias Ricks, has been arrested in Mississippi for possesion of marijuana, speeding, and no proof of insurance. The Devil works hard, but Lane Kiffin works harder. 

The silver lining is Eli wasn’t charged with a DWI. I guess. It’s just silly living in a state where this wouldn’t have mattered. Eighteen states plus Washington DC have legalized marijuana since 2012. If he was in the right state, this would have been two traffic violations and a non story. 

Ricks transferred to the University of Alabama back in December. Despite only playing six games for the Tigers last season due to a torn labrum, there was a lot of hype following Eli’s arrival in Tuscaloosa. The junior was once regarded as the heir apparent to this year’s third overall draft pick, Derek Stingley. Posting one of the most impressive freshman seasons in recent memory, Ricks had four interceptions including two pick-six’s and nine PBUs landing him Third-Team All-American and 2020 SEC All-Freshman Team honors. Notable top mock draft analyst, Steven Cheah, had Eli Ricks going 14th overall in next year’s draft. Following the arrest, people are wondering if he’ll even be playing for the Tide come this fall. 

But Alabama fans know better. In fact, some Tide fans have even gone as far to celebrate the arrest. Why? 

Because we’re sick. We’re a sick fan base who’s tunnel vision doesn’t allow anything besides seeing Saban raise the National Championship trophy. For starters, Eli Ricks clearly looks at least 6’5” in his mugshot even though he’s listed at 6’2”. But the second reason is much more complex than that.

There is a belief amongst some of the fans, that a pre-season arrest is a sign of a good omen. Allow me to explain. 

Courtney Upshaw and his girlfriend were arrested for domestic violence following an incident at a gym. His girlfriend’s father came out on Upshaw’s behalf saying that he didn’t believe Upshaw laid a hand on her, that he was only trying to restrain her from getting hit again, and that it was probably initiated by his daughter. Tide went on to win the 2009 National Championship. 

Cam Robinson and Hootie Jones were also arrested for marijuana in their vehicle in Louisiana. Robinson who was a projected first round pick at the time, was also slapped with a felony charge of possession of a stolen fire arm. Alabama went on to win the 2017 title that year. 

Given the previous arrests there are some who believe Eli Ricks has solidified a National Championship with his possession charge. I think it’s more of a perfect example of post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy. Which is Latin for “after this, because of this”. Which means two things that most likely aren’t connected but seem connected because of the order they came in. For example, if someone hypothesizes that the ice cream man only comes around in the summer, crime rates go up in the summer, ice cream must cause crime. That’s post hoc fallacy. Ice cream doesn’t cause crime. Arrests don’t cause National Championships. 

Or who knows, maybe they do. Maybe when players are getting locked up, Saban drops the buddy-buddy act and toughens up on the team. One things for sure, I’m not worried about the character of a twenty year old kid who smokes weed and speeds. I can’t cast that stone. 

People Are Being Dumb Again, We’re Coming For Drew Barrymore Now

Drew Barrymore is just the latest in the long line of the internet gallows. Why? Because we’re all idiots, that’s why. People weren’t too keen on Barrymore commenting on the Depp/Heard case on her talk show. Literally the most talked about thing on the internet right now. I mean go on Tik Tok for one second and you’ll see it. The backlash has cornered the “50 First Dates” actress to apologize on her Instagram for being “insensitive”.

Here's what Drew Barrymore said:

“It’s like one layer of crazy, it’s a seven layer dip of insanity! I know that these are two people’s real lives and I know what it’s like to have your life put out in public… I understand the feelings, but they are actually offering up this information that nobody has to know. It’s crazy!”

That’s it? People are upset that Drew Barrymore called the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard case…crazy? I’m sorry? You realize they’ve been talking in a professional manner about Depp losing a finger and Heard defecating on a bed, right? You can’t say chopped up fingers and dookie bombs in bed are crazy?! 

“She shit in a bed and severed his finger with a bottle of vodka? That’s crazy.”

“Oh no no no. You can’t say that? What’s wrong with you?” 

What’re we doing here? If anyone at all is qualified to talk about crazy, it’s Drew Barrymore. Do you know the resume she packs? She admitted in her memoirs to pouring Bailey’s over her ice cream at seven years old. Around nine she was first introduced to marijuana and cocaine. Her mother regularly brought her as a pre-teen to Studio 54. Two rehab stints before turning fifteen. Posed for Playboy at nineteen and notoriously flashed Letterman live for his birthday. Not to mention, mommy dearest got caught auctioning off baby clothes in the 90’s. Drew Barrymore literally wrote books on crazy. How dare you. 

This is very important so put your listening ears on. Some words get thrown around so much that they’ve begun to lose their meaning. Just because you feel someone is being insensitive, doesn’t mean they’re doing something terrible or illegal. If someone insults you, it doesn’t mean you’re being harassed. Hurt feelings doesn’t equal harassment. Legally. Just because you feel like someone’s being a meanie pants, doesn’t mean you can take their careers or throw them in jail. Thank you.